Dysphoria
by CynderStudios
Summary: Gary is slowly spiralling back into a dark place again. Not feeling like himself...How bad can it get?


**Talked about this idea in my discord server, so I decided to write about it! Hope you guys enjoy!**

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_His _reflection glared daggers back at his _body; s_licing and cutting down _his self of steam._ He could practically feel it chipping away as his vision began to fog up.

Gary slowly moved his hand towards his hair. Shagging and disheveled as usually. _Or that's what he thought._.

Gary got closer to the mirror over..._When did his hair get...this curly.._

_When did his cheeks get rosier or his skin get smoother...it weren't this morning..He missed his scruff growing around his cheeks...missing the feeling of it's itchy, scratching presents on his skin.. Staring at the mirror in front of him. He holds himself closer to him_

_**...They all**_

** know...**Gary's stomached rolled with nausea, quickly he gripped his mouth..._**Everyone here know's your secret...**__..Keep it together Gary..._He thought as he swallowed hard. Mouth becoming dry as he leaned against the cool mirror..

..._Keep it together..._

* * *

_Breakfast...God he swears it's becoming his mortal enemy now a days. Just sitting still and trying to eat was getting harder and with some many people watching him. _

**_...Why so many eyes...why so many..eyes...everywhere...they know...they ALL know...-_**

" Thunder-bandit!"..._Safe..._He can do this.

" Sup kiddo." Gary said, _keep the smile up...don't lose it...for him..._

_" Whatcha up to Dad?" His smile...that small smile that was plastered over his son's face...he can do this...he can do this..._

"Nothing much, Getting ready. Ya know the usually. Though I might just see how everyone is."..._God when did your voice sound so...unNatural...high...to high..._

_" _Aw sweet!"..._He didn't notice...How?..It's so high..._" I heard Quinn wants to talk with you again. You guys been busy or?" He smirked up at Gary as he span on his heels and began walking backwards to keep the conversation.

" O-Oh!..Thanks Spider-Cat!" His cheeks ached with the presence of Gary's blush that scattered over his cheeks.

" No prob, Thunder-bandit. Hope you and Quinnn~ Have a fun time!" He jumped down from the high platform, snickering and giggling as he escaped.

Gary just shook his head at his son, _that kid I swear, he's been real giddy lately, _He'll figure out another time, but right now he wanted to attempt breakfast at least..._or well..try.._

* * *

_His skin itched and tugged around his chest...**can't scratch Gary come on**..._

_His chest ached intensely...god all he wanted to do was fall asleep and never wake up.._

He tried to eat most of his breakfast..._yeah that'll go well later...already he can feel his throat becoming raw from the oatmeal..ow.._

Gary quickly left a few minutes later, claiming he wasn't hungry anymore, so he decided to go visit Quinn, who was still bedridden in the med bay.

Gary talked with Quinn in the med bay for most of the time for his breakfast. They talked about how she was feeling if the meds they gave her were working, if they were kicking in yet, if she was getting used to gravity again. They laughed as she gave her answers in her usual Quinn way.

Gary left around lunch time, wasn't much hungry though_...quiet...finally..Nobody knows so far..._

Gary's eyes drifted back to his and Avocato's room. A loud rumbling noise came from there, Gary peeked inside there as he had passed out after breakfast with Mooncake squirming onto the Ventrexian's chest, purring.

Gary snickered to himslef, Guys been working himself hand. To make up for everything, though he didn't have to...

_...You could **Never** be as manly as him..._

_...He's not...**jealous..is he?...**There best buds...just because he admires Avocato's...deep voice or his muscular body time..._

_**..God he give anything to feel like that...to feel..normal...**_

A loud bang shut from above making Gary jump from the ground, he flinched as a blur came crashing from above and landed onto the Crimson Lights flooring.

" What's up Thunder Bandit! You ready for tonight?-...Woah are you okay?" Little Cato pointed out, face filled with fear.

" _What_? Y-Yeah, I'm alright Spider-cat." Gary said trying to reassure him." You sure you look..bad? Yeah Bad. You sure?" He tilts his head to the side as he looked up at the blond who played with the back of his head.

" Yes I'm sure. Now come on, you're going to need rest for tonight? Tomorrow?-You know what-whatever..You have to get rest for our shift. Now get to bed kiddo." Gary said mustering all of his excitement. He gave the kid's mowhawk a small ruffle, before the kid tried escaping his clutches, giggling and kneading at Gary's sleeve to escape.

" Gary! No please! Uncle! Uncle!" He laughs as he tries pushing Gary away.

" Uncle?! Excuse me young man! But last time I checked I was your dad!" Gary chuckled loudly, feeling his energy coming back from his sons comments.

" You're supposed to be sleeping!" Gary says as Little laughs finally escaping his dad's hold.

" I'm not tired though!"

" Well your going to be later! Here we can watch something to help you! Go find something good! I'll be over there in a few, alright spider-cat?" Little Cato's face lights up with excitement as he nods quickly.

" Alright! Now you better sleep after it!" Gary smirks ruffling his hair.

Little cato shakes his head getting his hair back into place as he speeds off." Alright Alright I get it Mom gosh!" With that Little Cato was gone.

**...Mom..?...**

* * *

_Fat heavy tears trickled down Gary's face. Coming quickly and messily down._

_**...Girl...Girl..Girl...all you ever will be...they know..**_

_Gary lets out a hoarse cry as his throat burned with each cough and sniffle, leaking out of him._

_God..why is this effecting him so much?!...Clearly it's a joke..._

_Then why was it effecting him so much. Here he was! A crying mess in the bathroom. Covered in tears and heavy shame..._

Then there was knock.

" _Gary. Is that you? Why are you in the bathroom crying?" CRAP. No no no no...It can't be Hue...It can't be...nobody can see him crying..._

_" M'fine Hue. You can leave!" Gary tried to sound like he wasn't in the bathroom, sobbing his eyes out over his body, but the AI was with Gary for five whole years! He's has caught on to Gary's thought process and this is definitely a time for " Hue the Dude" to help._

_" i know what to do. Ava, call Avocato and Quinn to the bathroom closes to the bridge."_

_" W-Wait! H-Hue!"_

_" Fine." Ava said, voiced filled with annoyance. As always. She sent out a message to the two, which made Gary feel ten times even worse._

_**All you do is ruin everything...you'll never be anything then a mess up girl...  
**  
The door cracked slowly open as the tiny robot had extended his arm to get it open and now were recoiling them back._

_" Gary? Can I come in?" He peeked his head inside, waiting for a answer._

_..._

_" Im coming in anyways."  
_

* * *

_Avocato feet bounded against the floor as he skidded across the halls._

_He left Gary alone for how long!? What could go wrong!? what?! What was he thinking?! There in Final Space for crying out loud!?_

Avocato sprinted around the, freaking out intensely, he seen how bad Gary can get and when there here it's not the best idea.  
_  
_He stop in his tracks as he saw Quinn, coming around the corner. She was still get so used to gravity again, but she was trying her best.

" Quinn? What are you doing up?" The Ventrexian ran over to her as she looked up.

" Avocato-Woah!" Quinn fell forward from her loss of balance, but she was quickly saved by the dark-haired Ventrexian.

" Thanks 'Cato" She groans out as she got herself stable again, he clutched her hand tightly to help her before he went on.

" I'm guessing you got-uh- the message from?-Sorry I still don't remember everyone's names here." Avocato said with Quinn nodding." Yep just got it. I'm hoping it's not that bad. Lord knows he needs more stress in his life.." The two gave each other concern looks as they went on.

* * *

Gary clutched tightly at Hue, crying into the AI's side as if he was a dam that burst from everything that was effecting him today, _Oh boy it was a lot._

" There There Gary. Hue's here." The robot spoke out with a monotone voice, but only getting blubbers of words coming from Gary, who was practically hiding in his brown leather jacket.

The door creaked open as Avocato and Quinn peeked inside, worriedly.

" Gary? Can you look at us?" Quinn says as she tried her best to sit down in front of Gary, though she got back was a incohesive spurge of word-mush from Gary.

Avocato rubbed his soft paw against his cheek, Gary cried out as he clung to it, filling there hearts with sadness.

"...I-I'm...I'm not...a man...A-Am I?"

The two of there heart broke in half, Gary looked a mess. It was the best word to describe him right now.

Quinn scooted over on her butt slowly as she cupped his check before giving him a big cheek on his forehead.

" Sweetie Oh course you are. Your'e one of the most manliest men I have ever met hun." She peppered his face over and over wit smooches, trying to snuff out his negative thoughts.

" Yeah, baby. Gary look at yourself." Avocato purred lifting Gary's chin upward.

" I really don't 'wanna..."

"Not literally Gare, but your'e so much of..._well one hunk of a man I ever seen."_ He whimpered causing Gary's cheeks to tinted pink against his tear stains.

" Y-You...You really think so...?" Gary whispered out as he leaned against Quinn, while Avocato moved in closer to him.

" Hmmm. Especially Now. You out there leading us to victory." Quinn whispered to Gary as he leaned into there touches, melting away his insecurities as they spoke to him.

" K-Keep goin'...what else?" Gary smiled, exhaustedly as he let them cover him with compliments of his manly traits.

" How many you want Baby?" Avocato whispered to Gary as his armed snacked around his hips with Quinns going around his shoulders.

" As long as these...thought..keep comin' back.." Gary smiled as he sucked a breath in as he felt both there faces closing in on his cheeks.

" I think we can work with that" Avocato spoke softly to Gary, while Quinn finished it off.

" We have a lot of work to get done then.." She sent him sweetly.

The two cornered Gary with two kisses against his cheeks, taking turns whispering each thing they loved about Gary's manly traits, giving him his energy back. He felt it building itself back up like a tower of blocks. Is this what it feels like to feel correct?...It felt amazing...

Gary Goodspeed felt like a _boy..she was told to act more lady like..._

_Girls don't play with bugs or talk about space..._

_Girls were net and tighty...But Gary was not...that **was...Him...always**_ felt _**wrong...**_like something was wrong...or she had lost something...And suddenly..**he **found it...what _he _had thought was lost a along was now simply right in front of him...

...Today _he was Gary Goodspeed..._

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**Poor Gary D: ( I say as I keep hurting him ;-;) I wanted to write this after being inspired by a character in my story I'm reading in school! Plus our FS Discord server ;) amazing people! Hope you enjoy though!**


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